Why do I feel guilty? ?

I am 20 years old and newly wed. I have been very ual my whole life. I never thought twice about masturbating, and pleasuring myself, plus I lead a healthy life. Lately i have been feeling guilty every time i get , even if my husband is the one doing it. I feel dirty for even wanting . Recently my husband moved away for a job. I will join him at the end of the year, but currently live alone. Every time I begin to get by something he said, or a dream I had, I force myself to suppress the feeling. I have tried letting my myself get caught in the moment and relax. But the moment my hands touches my body I feel embarred and stop. I have some toys, but again the moment I start to use them I get an overbearing feeling of embarrment and can't use it. Why am i acting this way? What can I do to get back in touch with my ual side?